Buhay.. buhay! buhay?

Ang buhay ng tao ay mistulang palaisipan,
kung iyong hustong susuriin iyong masisilayan
mga hiwagang bumabalot.
sa patuloy na pakikipaglakbay-diwa ng ating kaisipan,
sa pag-hahanap ng nawawalang piraso ng palaisipan,
sa pag-hahanap ng mga kasagutan,sa bawat kakatanungan,
nagugulumihanang pag-iisip ang syang hahandulong.
sa bawat pag-kunot ng nuo,
sa pag-tatagis ng bagang,
sa mapanlilisik na titig,
mistulang liyon na kay bangis,
ngunit sa loob animoy kandilang unti-unting nalulusaw;
sa mainit na ningas ng apoy na siyang sumisimbulo sa pait ng kapalaran.

Sa pag-buo ng palaisipan, gayun pa man sa pag-buo
ng bawat pahina ng ating buhay, may magsisilbing susi sa
pag-tuklas at pag-buo ng palaisipan ng buhay!
sa pag-tuklas mo ng bawat piraso doon mo makukuha kung
ano ang totoong anyo ng larawan... Sa bawat pag-tuklas
doon mo mahihikayat ang sarili na tumuklas pa!
hanggang sa ang iyong mga mata ay tuluyang mandilim.

Ang buhay ay mistulang palaisipan na
kinakailangan ng ibayong pag-iisip,
kaunting pag-kalito mo lamang ay maaaring ikasira ng nasimulan na,
gayun din sa pag-lagay ng isang pirasong di eksakto sa
sukat na dapat sanay duo'y nakakabit.
Sa kaunting pag-kakamali mo lamang ay pinsalang pagkalaki-laki ang hantungan.

Oo nga, sa makatuwid, inihahambing ko ang buhay nang
bawat tao sa isang palaisipan...
ang buhay ay mistulang palaisipan;
sa patuloy na pag-buo mo nito, sa kabila ng kapighatian,
unti-unting mag-bibigay ng linaw
at mag-hahatid kasiyahan sa bawat hiwatig na iyong
matuklasan, sa tiyaga at dedikasyon mo sa mga gawa,
upang mabuo ang lahat ng piraso ayun sa tamang kinalalagyan ng
bawat isa; Isang pagkaganda-ganda at makahulugang larawan
na duo'y tutunghay sa iyo, at duon mo madarama ang tunay na
kaligayahan, kahulugan at kapasidad ng buhay mo.

THE RIGHT ONE! - LOVE-

Based on my survey! 6 out of 10 people agree that LOVE is the most interesting topic among the rest, and only 4 says that it was something else!!! not bad result, I would say.
It is indeed interesting for some reason. Different kind of person relate to this topic no matter what races and their culture are.
It is difficult for somebody to search for someone out there who's willing to be with them for the rest of their life and love them as no one could ever do! and able to stand whoever he is or how devil he is to others!
We always fall-in-love sure! because we are created by love, capable to love and to be love! but of course it's not easy, isn't? Love has it's peak of happiness and always has pain in it. When love strike our way, there's no escape at all, and when once we stop and trying to kill it, the more complicated it will be!
We are all searching for the right one; unfortunately, sometimes when we keep on seeking for that someone, the more elusive it is. We are meeting heaps of people! Unconsciously, in our daily life, even when we are just walking along the street,whether in a shopping mall, in the park, or we are in a pub. (bars), cinema, and other public places. or even in a cyber world!!! the world of the chat rooms in the internet. And of course we're sure that we will meet someone there, who'll stand-out among others; you may attract to one person instantly!; You will approach him and you will have this thought to get to know him... Asking for his details! once you feel a connection in him.. And that's the start!!! later on you'll go out as a friend or even better, because things happens so quick for the two of you,you have now a mutual understanding, lead you to becoming boyfriend/girlfriend in just a snap of a finger?cool!!! yeah, now a days time flies so quickly that you may not have notice things turn out to something momentarily, that it is possible for someone you meet an hour ago and later on he's already your mate! but it doesn't end there! The longer you've spent time together and the more you've get to know him, the more affection you get!when the connection between you and him is going well, the deeper attention it will be.
then dating ... dating ... dating ... love... love ... love ... love !!!!! L.O.V.E - LOVE
At this point we thought that.. "this is it".... "He is perfect", "I finally found him", "He is the right one", " I love him so much!", "I can't imagine a life without him" but..STOP......................... -I will say NO!!!!!!
Then here you go... after a week? (may be a week is ridiculous) maybe a month/s or years later? What will happen, you think? There will be a big bomb out of your way! that will suddenly explode... that even a concrete and metal material will destroy!
Life's changes so fast! so there's no assurance, there could be a catastrophe that will distract your way, you know what i mean? I know you do!.... There could be lots of instances why?! maybe his love vanished in time, maybe his getting bored, maybe he met someone else or probably you are miles apart to each other, that at first it may not seems a problem in your relationship but as time passes by it's getting dull and suddenly you may get tired in a long-distance relationship and you'll think that it will not gonna work that way!. And that's the end!!!
I concluded...in our minds we assume things that they will be the one whom we'll get old with.... The one that we're looking for so long.. but sadly they weren't the right one that we've been looking for!.... The phase of mending will come and again just like a cycle of a hands clock we're going to look for someone again! THE RIGHT ONE....

As I leave a quotation like this......

"Sometimes, One's touches
our life, so gently....
just like a wind
gliding beneath us
...but just like a wind
they'll blew away...
so quickly,
too late to recognized
that they're gone
as our dreams vanished too.
by:ghen

"Ate"

"Ate"

Walang pagsidlan kagalakan sa damdamin,
kung paano ang tulad mo'y mistulang anghel sa kalangitan,
mga gawa at katangian mo'y di mapaparisan,
nino mang nilalang dito sa sanlibutan.

Nuon ay kay layo ng agwat,
ngayo'y ga dipa na lamang sa pag-salibat.
pangunawa mo ang siyang tanging hiling,
sa katigasan nitong bungong paking.

Ako'y nanganganlong sa iyong kandungan,
magmula nang humagip yaong buhawi,kaya naman,
pasasalamat ko'y iyong tanggapin,
pagmamahal ko'y iyong akapin.

Buo ang pag-mamalaki dahil ikaw ang "Ate" ko!
sa lahat ng iyong pagod at sakripisyo,
sadyang kay palad ko't ikaw ang "Ate" ko!
bukod tangi kang totoo..

Authors Foreword:

This poem! again written in tagalog language is tribute to my sister.
i love them all! I just thought if I can make a poem out of anyone else.why not to them? so I wrote this poem to show my appreciation in all the things they have done to me...!!!

Ikinagagalak ko pong mag-sulat! - Amuy-amoy

Dahil kay Bob Ong, naingganyo ako magsulat ng sanaysay na ito. Sinu ba ang hindi nakakikila sa taong ito? sinu nga ba sya? hindi ko pa sya nakikita ni anino nya...pero sa pag-kakaalam nang nakararami kilala syang manunulat sa bansa. Gusto ko syang makilala at makita someday!
Isa lang sa mga libro nya ang nabasa ko at yun ang "stainless longganisa"! ngunit talaga namang nakaka-enganyong basahin at magsulat din. kung may makakapag bigay o makakapag-pahiram sinu man sa inyu ng isa sa mga libro nya ay kinalulugod ko po kayong pasalamatan. kontakin nyu lang ako sa Email ko."kaile_ann04@yahoo.com". kapal ko ba? naman dapat lang! Eh kung lahat na ng bagay ay panipis na ng panipis, magpapanipis ka pa rin ba? hahaha. siguro
iniisip mo na anu kaya ang pinag-sasabi ko? marahil iniisip mo na nababaliw na ako ! heheh.
isipin mo nang mabuti! kung ang isang sapin ng papel nuon ay nasa 100 piraso o sobra pa, kung ikukumpara mo sa ngayun na nasa 99 na piraso na lang, di ba masasabi mo na panipis na ng panipis?paanu ko alam? kung hindi mo naitatanung ay gawain ko ang magbilang ng papel nung ako ay paslit pa! para malaman ko kung sakto ba ang nakasaad na bilang ng piraso nang isang saping papel. Di ko lang binibilang ang papel kundi inaamoy ko pa! bakit? nakakadik kase, di ko alam kung bakit. Ikaw ba, umaamoy ka din ba ng mga bagay bagay katulad ko?mali pala ang tanung ko.. kundi.. nasubukan mo na bang umamoy nga mga di pang-karaniwang bagay bagay? marahil oo ang sagot mo.. inaamin ko na umaamoy ako ng mga di pangkaraniwang bagay na inaamoy ng mga tao.. tulad nga ng papel kahit anung uri pa.. mapa magasin, dyaryo, libro, pamplet at kahit tiketa, name it!!! hindi lng mga papel ang trip kong inaamuy.pati tsinelas n bago at lapis, oo! pero sosyal naman ako kase monggol ang inaamoy ko, kahit anung lapis basta monggol,oh di ba? what say mo?bakit? aba malay ko ba! nakakaadik lang kase talaga. hayaan mo ireresearch ko kung anu bnag klaseng sakit to! na mahirap pigilan, heheh.
Atleast di ba hindi mga kadiring bagay ang inaamoy ko at hindi bawal! di tulad ng iba dyan tatahitahimik pero kung anu-anong bagay n ang inaaamoy, at yung mga gustong-gustong inaamoy nila ay yung mga matitindi ang amoy, malalagkit,madulas pero makapit! glue at rugby ang tinutukoy ko! pero may mas masaklap pa dyan, yung iba ang trip nilang inaamoy ay yung paa ng misis o mister nila, tulad ni aiko nun.gustong-gusto daw nyang inaamoy ang paa ni jomari =).yung iba pagkatapos mag nail-cutter at mangulikot nga Ingrown nail (onychocryptosis) saka aamuyin kung mabaho ba?bakit dun ba nache-check kung patay oh buhay ang kuko?masubukan ko nga..bago yun!! Yung iba kili-kili ang trip amuyin at yung pawis ng kasintahan nila! yuckie.. kung nag-iisa ka lang at malamig ang disyembre mo, mag-isa mong inaamoy ang hininga mo! dahil sa madalas mong pabuntong hininga, kung bakit hanggang ngayun ay single ka pa rin! pag batang paslit ka naman, yan ang mga walang kamuwang-muwang at kahihiyan! na kung anung madikit sa kamay ay inaamoy! yung iba kung mangulangot ay paglalaruan muna.. alam mo ba ang tinutukoy ko?! bibilug-bilugin sabay aamuy-amuyin! pag nakakita ng kaaway."lagot ka sakin ngayun! makakaganti na din ako.. ayun sapul!" yung iba pag katapos sundutin ang tenga dahil nangangati, titingnan muna kung may tutuling sumama at sabay aamuyin! swerte ka lang kung wala kang luga,minsan pa nga ay tinitikman kung anu ang lasa ng kulangot at tutuli! ako alam ko.. ang kulangot at muta ay maalat,ang tutuli nmn ang mapait! bakit ko alam? nag-ku-cooking ako eh! alam ko dapat ang lasa ng ingredients!!!. yung iba, pag katapos sarap na sarap kamutin ang puwet, ayun deretso sa ilong ang kamay! minsan naman hindi natin maiiwasang dumudumi yung mga alaga nating hayup kaya todo linis tayo, di sinasadya minsan mapapahiran ka ng tae oh di kaya nahawakan mo.. alam mo na ngang tae yun aamuyin mo pa kung anu ba ang amuy at kung gaanu kabaho.
habang naglalakad ka naman sa daan at nataihan ka ng masayahing ibon. automatic ang pag amuy mo!kung anu bang uri ang nahulog sayo, ganun pa man na alam mong may posibilidad na tae nga ng ibon yun, aamuyin mo pa rin at dedma to death mong ilalapit sa ilong mo, pag-naamoy mong di mabaho saka ka lng marereact na.. "yuck! yuck! yuck!" mukha kang tanga dhay!!
Pero di lahat ng inaamoy natin ay mababaho! tulad ng mga bulaklak , nang ulam na hain ni inay! ng mga perfume man o cologne na branded man o japek mamahalin man o hindi ay mabango pa rin!
Buhay nga naman oh! kung anu anu na lang ang inaamoy natin!
pero mabango man o mabaho pa! nasatisfy naman ung curiosity natin! kahit anu pang naging kinahinatnan! nag-enjoy pa rin tayo na amuyin ang lahat ng yon!
tama man ako oh hindi sa pagsalaysay ko nito! nagustohan mo man o hindi wala akong pakialam!! gusto ko lang magsulat. Salamat sa pagbasa ng kwento kong walang kwenta!
ikinagagalak ko pong magsulat!

Being alone!!!

At this point of time I am here at my room, just lying on the top of my bed; and thinking about many things! as usual I have my pen and paper in hand.
If there's one thing that I always do at this point of my life, nothing but writing!!!
I always express my feelings through writing, until sometimes, I run out of words to use.

I can't explain what this I am feeling right now is. It's a mixed emotion of regrets, worrying, sadness, pain, despair, and loneliness.

Life is unfair!!! Yes it is.... If only things is that easy.
Like a words that has been spoken out of your mouth, like how it's easy for men to swear the BULLSHIT, like how it easy to manipulate events in once own story,
and how it easy for a rainbow to vanish in a moment of time, without noticing by humans.

If I only have the power to control my life on how I want it to be, then it would be perfect!
I know you've wished it too, but we can’t!

As long as men can breathe, as long as men have pulses, as long as men have reflexes within this rotten system of things, it will never be perfect as we wished to!

Sometimes, I'd want to be asleep for ages rather than awake but full of sorrow in life.
These things slowly killing me! What a grief in life? Who could tell that beyond what my looks was, the way I acted, smiled, spoke, and giggled was being poison inside.

You may not understand me but its okay! You don't have to... but someday you will.
We all have struggles in life but maybe you perceive others problem just nothing compares to yours! But is it fair enough?
Sometimes, we tend to think those things in head. Am I right? Well, so as I.
I'll tell you why... first: because maybe you still not yet experiencing the same problem as I am having. Second: maybe you already overcome it, once you overcome that kinda problem you may thought it is easy because you passed the challenge.
Either of those two is the reason... definitely it is.
and the reason for that reason is that, sometimes, without realizing, We are a close minded and self centered being that we seems to act and think like we owned the hardest problem to the extreme and we feels like we're carrying the whole Earth as it is!

Well, Life always has its sweetest pick in it and accompanied by bitterness! We can’t do anything but to wait and see... and be faithful!!!!

Untitled...

Author's Foreword:

This poem written in tagalog language and was written by me last July 06,2008. tributed by Angel Polintan.
most of my poem in tagalog, sometimes has same lines and doesn't have its title yet!. I cant help it though but many is appreciating them. Thank you for reading them. I hope, that I inspire you.
always keep an eye to this Blogs.Heaps of writings is coming up.

UNTITLED...

Marami nang araw, minuto, at segundo ang pinalampas.
kaya't pagsisisi sa aki'y umaalpas,
anyo at tinig mo'y ni di kumukupas
sa isipang tanging sayo nakagapos.

Laging dalangin na sana'y di panaginip
yaring nadarama na tila nasa alapaap,
wag sanang mahagip ng hanging humahagipt
O di kaya'y ng along mapang-akit.

Damdamin natin sa ngayo'y walang makatumbas.
ngunit pangangamba at alinlanga'y sa anyo'y mababalangkas,
baka animo'y lamparang sa una lamang husto sa pagningas
at ang dilim sa paligid unti-unting humapyos.

Ngunit naninindigan ang positibong pag-iisip
nais ipagpatuloy kahit anu mang balakid ang humagip
sabay sa pag-gunita ng mga binitawan mong kataga,
"kung tayo'y laan sa isa't-isa, tiyak na tayo ngang dalawa."

Bawat katangian mo'y likas kong minahal,
pinag-tibay ng panahon, mula nang una kang masulyapan
mga biruan, tawanan, at kantahan ay kumintal
sa isip at pusong sayo'y hustong nilalaan.

Untitled....

Every night was so messed
melancholy is never absent
my mind is full of fancy things,
things that i can't resist thinking about.

Lots of sorrow that my life has,
indeed, trying to be overwhelmed,
this life is a gift from above
and to think you were included as part of it.

As the dawn knocks, new hope sprouts.
Excitement can't explain, as I turn-on the apparatus,
at the monitor we were there, lingering.
As we type on the keyboard, conversation started.

We were exchanging our thoughts,
giving encouragements to one another.
Sharing laughter and sorrow,
which doom embraces our lives.

It's like we knew each other for so long,
though, the fact, were just getting into it.
We were like a common thread,
connected to each other, and link at ease.

As time goes by, your affection bloomed as every flower does.
But confusion on my part struggled.
I can't explain these feelings I kept inside
but one thing I know, I don't wanna lose a person like you.

Composed by me...

this was originally tribute to Bryan Abilong

April 16, 2008

A Life that was for temporary

I cant remember when was the last time I cried because im happy, I laughed for joy, I jumped because of happiness and have been love without any further reason at all but i was being loved, by someone I was longing to be with.
These past few months of my life I was in pedestal of happiness. have been blessed to be with my family here in New Zealand. Since I was young we've been longing for this moment to happen.
While I am here, there's a lot of things happened and it changed my life completely. Now I have been given a chance to taste the other way of life afar from i used to have before.
We are all happy; finally we're reunited as a family.
But there's still missing and I can't figure it out. What is missing? I’m searching for an answer.
Until one day I'd go online to the xat.com, that time I've met random chatter who is bored, addicted to chat and some were seeking for companion thru online chatting like me.
For some reason people are getting addictive to online chat, so as I. It just like nicotine, once you've tried it and get used to it, it’s hard to let go off. But that's not my point! going back..
Time passed by and I met heaps of chatters with different personality but have a common trip in life... I fell a touched to those few, and treat them as a brotherhood. And I can't explain why? But there is a connection between us.
I met same Chatters online everyday for the last six months. I've known them for their alias and a little background about them, that they have been shared with me.
After a month, Andy become a good friend of mine, We had this same sense of humor but we are completely opposite in many ways. He became my best friend and yet my best enemy.
Simultaneously, I've met other friends like Bryan, Chris, Blonde, Katie, Den, Jhen, Angel Mae, Josh, Angel and etc.
I fell in love with Andy "I admit" but during that time he was engaged to someone, so he rejected me! And the rest was history.
Bryan was a good friend too. He's always there for me whenever I need some advice.
Chris was also a friend, to young for me but he courted me, after he got separated to her ex girlfriend, but it took a while before I say yes to him.
Blonde is blonde. LoL she is a nice lady! And just like my other sis in xat she's cool.. I also like to mention three ladies named Den, Katie and Jhen.. They’re there for me when i feel so down and low. These ladies are my shoulder to lie on. Den is a funny girl. She always makes me laugh. katie is sweet person as well as Jhen! I wanna meet them all.
Josh..What can i say about him? hahah his sweet!!! Caring, Gentleman and funny as well.
And oops ... how can I forget Angel a.k.a Bambino, Mr. kulangot sa pader, Mr. Brightside and etc.? They always brighten up my day every morning I've went online.
Angel has something inside him that you would loved it, just how I love it too... an extraordinary guy. "He’s the highlight of this". They're my entire friend for a long time. "Well it's not that long but for a chat it is a long time". I remember Angel, when the first time he appears on xat.com, he was confused then, what was the xat for? and the other stuff of it. Josh and I thought that that he was a girl because of his name "Angel", that time he doesn't have picture in his avatar, so we thought he is a girl! But he’s not. He has a bird.
Every time I get back to those memories I always end up laughing! It is insane. Those men are awesome!! Angel rocks my world!!!
Angel courted me after few weeks but I rejected him. Why? Because, I wanna be his friend for a life time. 'coz right then I knew that it would be hard when things end up as most of affairs did in history of many lovers. He tried again to seduce me when Chris an I were still, but I said "NO" to him because I don't wanna cheat with Chris. But the problem came up in our way. Chris and I broke up. and our relationship lasted for three weeks. It is messed up and a wasted of time with Chris because for some reason that you wouldn't want to know.
After my broke-up with Chris, when the time I saw Angel online, I didn't had second thought and took the opportunity to courted him then, yes I was the one courted him that time. Right then I realized that I have been loved this man. But I kept it inside, that even myself didn't noticed. I always said to myself that I wanna keep this man forever. Then we became lovers! At last... it is perfect! I thought! but then it wasn't seems to be that perfect! We lasted for 2 months, 17 hours and 44 minutes. My world was melted when he became cold as ice on the Antarctic! I am madly in love with him. Until now!!! I knew that we will end up like this. I knew it. That is why I'm afraid to have this something especial relationship with him in a first place. But I have no regrets because I know, I shown enough and the best that I can give to him, my sincerity of love and care for him, even though we're a thousand miles away from each other. I love him, just like he was here at my side and not thinking what the boundaries are. I love to meet him someday! But what chances? Were both Dead....
indeed, I still hoping for a miracle....
I will consider these things happened to be as a Life that was for temporary...

I finally found what I've been searching for! But it was for temporary..
Loving someone and be loved by someone even for that very short time I found happiness, for an ages now...I smiled without any reason but im an happy.
Happy in a sense that I was in love and was been loved by someone that I've been longing to be with. It wasn't last long as I want it to be; perhaps, now i finally have an idea of it!! Idea of what it is been missing in me!

Life is just like a puzzle...

Life is just like a puzzle..
If you look into many angles of your life...
it is a puzzle, we always searching for what is missing, for what will satisfy us...
in order to fill out the missing piece.
At first, we didn't know what it really was. Until you find a piece of it, then it will
serve us as a clue. Then we keep on struggling just to put things together.
And make the puzzle done.
Life sometimes is clueless for some. Because they're not searching,
not even meditating and totally careless.
What is it all about?
I have been asking myself many times and I'm still searching for the answer.
And just like you, hoping that sooner or later will find the answer to many questions that my hypothalamus have.